Personal

Idk what got into me to write this...suffice to say that it is Very, very personal....just a random poetic moment for me that I had to put down...again, very, very personal.

A dying sun sank between the dying waves, casting dark, beautiful hues across the water. The cries of gulls filled the air, a single, lonley ship bobbed among the waves. In our future stood a distant peer, but here and now, there was only my hand in hers, her hand in mine...that was all that mattered, all that would ever matter...

The sun shot colors of purples and orange across her skin, perfectly illuminating her, her body that she wanted to hide but that I loved with ever fiber of my being. Sea salt stained her lips when i kissed her, her hair fell in perfect locks down her neck, damp and tangled but more beautiful than ever. Her legs moves with a fluid movement that I have never seen in another girl nor will ever see again, more of an elegant dance than a simple stride. We walked together, hand in hand, looking over the waves crashing over the shore, enjoying every precious moment, knowing that there may never truley be a future, than every second was fragile and precious and every day would bring us closer together....or farther apart.

And so we walk towards that distant peer, hand in hand, and in this moment, this single, wonderful moment....nothing could seperate us. Together we were eternal, held together not by the physical bond of holding hands. Together we are held enternaly by love, and though the future is always shifting, this moment, this precious moment, is where we belong...together.

Again...very personal. I dont know what got into me to write this, but please, please respect what i put down. I mean, i wrote it already...idk, i just FELT like i had to say that. I guess im finally ready to face the consequences.

Not Going to Be Posting...

I'm so very sorry for my lack of posting and commenting, and the lack of posting and commenting that I will be doing in the next few weeks. I just have so much going on, I hardly have the time or commitment at the moment to keep up. I'm so very sorry :(

Hopefully things will clear up soon and I can get back to blogging...but for now i just dont think thats going to happen :(

America Praise Poem

wrote this for english- suggestions? a praise peom in sonnet format on America

America

You were once our stalwart guardian,


your motherly embrace a shield against the outside world.

You once held the torch of liberty,

an eternal flame that lit the heavens with the light of freedom.

Once you proudly stood tall amongst the turmoil of the world,

symbolizing all that was right and good and just.

Once you were America, our America. But no longer.

Now, the modern world has eroded your glittering exterior,

leaving naught but a ragged, empty husk of all that you once were.

The torch that once blazed proudly has grown dim,

What was once freedom and equality becoming greed and despair.

Those who once admired you with awe,

now look down at you with harsh contempt at what you have become

You were America, our America. But no longer.

Stressed

Well, the last weekend was homecoming weekend....and lets just say that its been one of the toughest weekends to get through. you dont have to read this, i wouldn't blame you, but i need to write this down somewhere :/ here goes nothing...

Wednesday was decent, last day of Cross Country. Confrence was alright...i had done the same course twice before, and my record for that course went from 23:40 to 21:16, which is close to my Personal Record, which is a pretty good way to end the season. That night we all went out to eat...Andrea wouldn't eat with us and just went straight home, which really upset me, but really worried me too. She said it was because of homework, but i think its mostly because she doesnt like the other girls, and wont confront them to be with me. I can understand that, but still, it makes me sad...other than that, after the meet was fun, we hacked into a guy's laptop and wrote a love note to him and then some guy went behind a dumpster to make a shank out of a spoon, before coming back when the garbage man yelled at him. We sand songs like Dont Stop Believing on the way back...so alright day.

I dont remember much of Thursday, but Friday was both good and bad. Our highschool stadium's lights wouldnt work, so we went to the local college's football stadium for our homecoming game. the first half was increadibly fun, but then andrea started shivering and coughing. then all of a sudden she started gasping for breath, and wouldnt accept a jacket or anything, and i just sat there holding her to my chest helpless to do anything while she was having what i think was an asthma attack. I was so scared....we eventually deciced to call her mother, and we got out of the game around the 3rd quarter. I held her hand the entire ride, and we eventually got a hold of an inhaler and got her back to breathing reguarly, but god, i was so scared. i crashed immeadiatley when i got home.

The next day was homecoming...needless to say i was nervous, it was my first offical dance, but i was ready nonetheless. Andrea and I went to a local tourist resort to get our pictures taken, and i was stressed because of how nervous i was for what was coming up, so i yelled at my mom to shut up when she was saying things behind my back to Andrea's mom....i feel aweful about it, and i think i really upset her :( I got repercussions for that...but ill elaborate on that later.

The "group" went out to eat before homecoming at a chinese resteraunt, the bill costed 70 bucks for 6 of us, but it was alright. Had some fun there....Joseph is halarious, and i wasn't quite as mad at tanner (though ticked that he decided to go to homecoming in the group of friends with the girl who asked him out, though not WITH her. ugh) We met up with the rest of the group at the high school....hung around for an hour before the party really started going...thats when things started to go downhill.

Lets just say that....while it was good that the group was there, it was supposed to be our night you know? Andrea and I, just the two of us. I wanted it to be about us just one night, about what I wanted just one time....she barly even recognized i was there at times, and when she did, she just made sarcastic remarks that weren't ment to hurt, and usually dont, but they did that night because i wanted it to be special....and besides, i was the one who had invited her, right? anyways....i had to get away from all that for a bit, and i told her that, and i came back to her crying.....which made me feel so bad....im not a bad person, i dont mean to hurt her, i love her, but it just tore me apart knowing that I hurt her....and then the coughing began. and another asthma attack. her mother came with the inhalor, and she was better for a bit. we walked out onto the dance floor....but it was like she was embarassed to be with me. everyone was slow dancing, and i tried to get her to sway to the music at least with me, but she just stood straight, ignored me, and talked to Kim. It embarrassed me and hurt me, standing there clinging to her hand while everyone else was slow dancing.....like, it hurt a lot. Then she had another asthma attack...and there was a fight...and we tried to get andrea out and find my mom's car, but we couldn't find her, and when we did, my mom was mad at me because she had parked and we were walking up and down the pick-up line, joseph and I holding andrea, who was on the edge of like going into shock or something, and all my mom could think about was how mad she was at me. I held andrea all the way to her house....i couldnt think about how mad or upset I was, only how worried i was, and how scared I was for her....we got her home and set her down on the couch and gave her the inhalor....dropped Joseph off (such a good friend), then i went home and fell asleep crying....such a long night.

Next day...yes there is more...decided to make it up to andrea by going uptown. On the way there my dad yelled at me for telling my mom to shut up...which i diserved i guess....and then uptown i fell apart crying right on a bench right beside andrea...and sure, she was there for me, but everyone who walked by looked at me like i was some kind of monster or a kid with terets. when i recovered, we walked to andrea's house....she lives right in town...and andrea started getting these aweful pains that came from coughing so much the pasted too nights, like a stressed muscle in her stomach or something. anyways, it was cramping up constantly for her, and that made me really, really worried and depressed :/ than, one of my friends, who will remain anonymous, began texting me. A little something about this friend: he used to be my best friend, but he is an upperclassman, and he has basically ignored me since high school started, to the point of scorning me. anyways, i think he saw andrea cry or her asthma attack yesterday, and he started telling me that she was emotionally unstable, that she was wearing me out and bringing me down, that she didnt belong in my life, that she was making me crazy, that whatever love i had for her wasnt real, that it was only a phase. I wanted to punch him (of course i couldnt), but i was also thinking if he was right...what was I supposed to think after last night? than andreas pains started getting worse and worse and I think she passed out a few times....she was asleep when i had to leave, but i was there to whole time with her, which i guess mean something. I dont know....im so confused....I love her, i know that, but i dont know whats happening.

Woke up this morning, its rainy out, dark, im tired, bus was late, almost fell asleep in english in health. writing this during lunch (yes, we have laptops in our school). The school week isnt looking too hot either.

Not an Angel

simple spur-of-the-moment poem i did during English for the heck of it- critique please?

Not an Angel

Twin feet planted on the eternal stone,
grounded by the grasp of mortal life.

Two hands reaching for a far-off dream,
a dream that will always be, but may never become.

A soul hounded by the fear of endless darkness,
but lacking the strength to fully embrace the light.

A light that always lies on the next horizon,
a light that all can see, all but him.

A being lost in the torrent of life,
lost without a cause, blind without a guide.

A mortal, trapped in the bonds of transient life,
destined to sin and repent in an endless cycle of humanity.

A sinner looking for a sign of hope,
finding none, and loosing all.

A Mortal, Not an Angel,
Not an Angel yet.

sorry for the delay in posting- finding it hard to write about stuff latley.

Short Update

Just updating on my week...

Loosing a friend for some reason or another that used to be my best friend, and I dont know why :/ its stressing me out! on the other hand, friend wise, the friends that have stuck with me are awesome :) sydney, kim, tyler, stephen, joseph, andrea and I are thinking about going to Tweetsie (a nearby amusement park) for their Halloween celebrations- should be a Ton of fun :)

Another cross country meet tomorrow...this one has 99 teams, and my race alone has 300 people. going to try to get sub-22 for this 5k with one other guy im running with- wish me luck!!

Been hanging out with Andrea a ton....Tuesday marked 4 months :) I'm really, really, really happy with her :)

School is REALLY stressing me out...to the point of headaches on some days. Luckily, its the weekend now...should help :)

Until Next Time!

The Good, The Bad, The Ugly

Just breaking down my past few weeks into the Good, Bad, and Ugly...here we go

Good

Cross Country! I have to say, this is probably my favorite sport in the world. The team is so much fun, my girlfriend is on the team too, we travel to a lot of races around the state, and I'm pretty good for my fist year- today I PR'd (Personal Record- I beat my best time) with a time of 22 minutes 16 seconds for this 5k....best race I've ever ran. I'm hoping to get below 22 minutes by Conference, the regional race that marks the end of the season (unless you go to championships), and I'm thinking by Senior year, maybe even Junior, I'll be on the varsity team and getting sub-20. Hope for the best, right?

Andrea and I are doing fantastic...she means the world to me. Been seeing her as much as I can, every day in science and usually on the weekends too. And its awesome that she is in Cross Country :) been having a bit of problems...I'll talk about that later. But overall, fantastic.

Football games! Kind of our annual get-together for "the group" every other week. we have a great time :) and since im in XC i get in for free :) hoping to do a bit more with my group of friends later on, once my weekends become open.

Homecoming is the 26th of October...never been to one of these things, so I'm pretty nervous, but it should be fun. any pointers?

Andrea's birthday is tomorrow...I got her a nice necklace, cost me a good amount of money....its a cross made out of sterling silver with a gemstone set in the center. I hope she likes it :)

The Bad and the Ugly...

I cant really separate these, so determine them as you wish.

A friend of mine wanted to ask a guy out to homecoming...this guy used to be really nice, and Andrea's best friend, but he has gotten really mean lately. He told her that he doesn't want to go with her, because he wants to go out with someone who is WAY above his league, and told her to "better not get upset by it". when she asked why he even talked to her, he said "because he was bored". Yeah...I wanted to kill him for that. makes me sooo mad, seeing as she is one of my best friends >:(

Linking to the top one...I'm loosing a lot of friends to High School. One is a sophomore who used to be my best friend, but now he thinks he is too "cool" or "important" for me (even though I was his VERY FIRST friend in America), and is being pretty much a D-bag to me all around. it ticked me off...but if he wants to be like that, its his loss, I dont think any of his friends will ever be as good of a friend as I was, but if he wants to be that way, he can go for it. I'm better off without him. Another friend is the one who was mean to the girl above me, and another is a guy I've known since kindergarden who is leaving me in the dirt to fit in. At least I have Joseph, Kim, Sydney, and Andrea....kind of the only people left in our "group" by now, and my best friends at that. Its just upsetting to see so many good friends leave me behind...at least I know those four wont do that....best friends you could ever have.

Andrea and I have been going through a real rough spot this past month, its like I dont know if she cares for me at all, she keeps running off with her friends and forgetting about me....but dont worry about that, we've talked it out, and I dont think it will happen again....I just dont like the friends she is hanging out with, they are not good friends, they use her and than dump her when they feel like it. At least I'm still here for her...always will be. I just dont want to repeat the last month.

And thats all for now